Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
