I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
