i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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