Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
