she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
