I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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