He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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