how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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