i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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