He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
