I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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