Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
