and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize