i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
