I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
