but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
that may or may not have been my penis.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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