You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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