i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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