i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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