I cannot find my penis.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
