Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
