I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
