Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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