You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
