Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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