i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
