so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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