her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
