My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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