Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
