you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
