Define "chronic" masturbator.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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