He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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