If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
