One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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