have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
MIDGETS
????
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
