they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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