Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
