I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
