Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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