If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
