hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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