..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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