You really coming over, don't trick.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a beard to bite.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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