I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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