it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
