please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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