By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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