Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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