what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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