I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
