Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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