In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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