i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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