Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
