Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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