butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
