I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
