Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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