This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
