ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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