I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
