True but thats because hes a fetus.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
