Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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