The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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