Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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