i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Found your dick twin last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
