You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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