I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
