One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
