guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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