do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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