i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
