Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
