Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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