So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
