Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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