Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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