Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
