She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize