Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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