Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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