my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
