This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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