his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
