i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
did i walk over a car last night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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