Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
