Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
