Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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