she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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