Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
