I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
