so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
