hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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