I am puke
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
