....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
