Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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