you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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