My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this beer tastes like vomit already
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
